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雅思写作6分范文案例解析

雅思写作的满分是9分,雅思6分作文是一个什么概念呢?雅思6分作文总体来说比较尴尬,高不成,低不就,想要雅思所得7分以上的话,6分的雅思写作肯定就是拖后腿的项目,那么要如何去突破雅思6分作文呢?下面就对一篇6分的雅思写作文章进行缺点分析,希望大家在雅思写作上遇到瓶颈的同学也能突破。


雅思6分作文例文:


Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student's house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students' level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don't help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? Each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. Therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.


雅思6分作文问题分析:


首先,从论证大主题的角度来说,这一篇结尾段的立场是教给孩子们co-operation比competition更重要,但是这位考生在文字数量分配上缺乏规划,分配给competition的文字明显多于给co-operation的,从而影响了分数。因此,如果你更认同那个观点,那就在这个观点上多写点吧。

其次,对于分论点的论述要做到有逻辑。比如对于第二段competition的论证,没有清晰地阐明第二点出国学英语以及第三点高考的例子和应该让孩子们有竞争意识之间的关系。大家要注意,主体段的分析和举例都要围绕这一段的主体句展开。

最后,词汇和语法的使用首先要做到准确,然后才是多样。这篇文章的语法错误较多,比如第一句话“Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea.”应该改为“Nowadays, the purpose of education has been changed in Korea.”大家在写完作文后一定要留出1-2分钟检查自己的用词、拼写和语法错误。

总之,想要突破雅思6分作文的话,首先要有不错逻辑论证的能力,同时,要合理分配雅思写作的内容,文章中所认同的观点,相对来说要分配更多的内容,反之,则适度地减少一些内容,突出重点很重要,同时减少词汇和语法的错误。预祝同学们在雅思考试中取得好的成绩!



摘录 by Lily Li 温哥华环球雅思学校


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